I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
