He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
