btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
