Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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