You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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