Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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