im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
