how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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