Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
