my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
