hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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