I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
