On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
