I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
