I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I could make wine with my vomit
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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