hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
