will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
