my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
