He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
