Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
