Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
