Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
