there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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