What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
