A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
