at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
