I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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