You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
