you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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