what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
