We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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