last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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