She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
