bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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