my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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