Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
