Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
