I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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