forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
