I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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