I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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