Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
