why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
