thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
