At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
