it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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