i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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