is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
