how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
