Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
