I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
