I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
