since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
