you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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